Just when I feel that we’re making headway with Zach and his bed-wetting problem, we seem to take two steps back. He had done so well for about a month. He was staying dry every night, and even admitted that he was able to tell that he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (even if he wasn’t willing to get up to go). That in itself was a huge admission. It’s what we’ve been struggling with. Certainly it’s the biggest part of the problem: his body hasn’t been mature enough to be able to tell his brain that he has to go. SO hearing him tell us this, unprompted, was a sure sign of progress on the maturity front. Yes, he’s still taking medicine. Without it, I think there would be a bigger mess than we already have. And I still wake him up before I go to bed. My hope has been that eventually his body will produce an internal clock that will allow him to start waking up on his own around the same time I wake him up every night. That hasn’t yet happened, but I’m still hopeful.

For the past week, though, he’s woken up wet every morning, regardless of any of the other measures. We can’t increase his medicine because he’s already at the max. And, short of me setting my alarm and waking him every couple of hours, I’m not sure what else can be done. I’ve been contemplating talking to his doctor and seeing if we shouldn’t do some sort of physical measure of his bladder. In other words, I’ve been wondering if we should do an x-ray or something like that to see if it’s smaller than normal. I don’t know that anything can be done if it is, but maybe there is something that I’m missing, like a way to grow his bladder and make it bigger (not sure that can be done, but it’s worth looking into).

I really feel bad for the kid. His self-esteem isn’t very high to begin with and I can always see just how dejected he is when he wakes up in the morning wet. He’ll cry and tell me he’s sorry, as if there is something he can do about it. I reassure him that it’s ok and that it’s not his fault. But short of a breakthrough where he stops wetting the bed for good, I’m not sure what else to do for him. I’ve considered putting him back in pull-ups for bed time, but I don’t think that will help him at all (other than he won’t wake up wet). I think when Alex finally stopped wetting the bed and had his plastic mattress taken off, it hit Zach pretty hard. Nothing really seems to console him. I know he’s getting to the age (just a month away from turning 9) where friends will start wanting to sleep over, or want him to sleep over and I worry that it will still be too soon for Zach. I don’t want him to be embarrassed by it because it’s not anything he can help. But I’m running out of options to help him. I realize that with each year older he gets, the probability of him growing out of the problem increases. It’s just really frustrating to not see that kind of progress, or in our case, to see it, embrace it, then see regression.

Anyone else had this problem and have any suggestions that we can try? Please keep in mind the monitor is NOT an option for us because of dh’s work schedule.

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Well, the first week of school has come and gone with only minimal drama. Although, at the time, it seemed like major drama. The twins’ bus was an hour late the first day! An hour late! And no parent got a phone call (this is what really upset me). I had to call them to find out what was going on. It didn’t get any better the second day, either. It was 45 min late. Friday was it’s earliest day (to my knowledge) and it was still 30 minutes late. This is causing a problem for us. Not so much because no one is home, because Brian is home to get them. But the problem it poses is that, by the time they get off the bus, do their homework and eat dinner, it’s bed time for them. On the days I have to work or have class (currently M-T-Th), they have to go to bed when Brian does around 6:30 or 7. So those three days, they get virtually no play time, and certainly no outside play time. And since the twins just learned how to ride their bikes without training wheels, that is the more coveted thing to do during any spare moment of daylight they can squeeze out of the day.

I’m also seeing just how hard the school/work thing is. Not physically, although I am always tired. I can deal with being tired. I did it the first time around, I can do it again. But what really gets to me is Zach crying in the morning, not wanting to go to school because he wants to stay home with me. I am home with them in the mornings and Wed, Fri, Sat (afternoons and evenings) and Sundays, but I guess that’s not enough for him. I really killed me today to wave goodbye and see him waving at me from the buss, tears streaming down his face. I had warned them all, as best I could, that it was going to be tough this year and that they weren’t going to see a lot of me. But I guess they were not prepared for just how much time I’d be away from them. I think I’ll need to spend some one-on-one time with him, and the other 2 as well.

Please pray that we all get through this school year sane! It looks to be a very long one. I know it will all pay off in the end, when I graduate in may and the boys, Brian and I all see the fruits of our labors. But it’s getting to the finish line that’s the battle right now.

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It’s back to school day for us, and since I haven’t updated my blog in…um…FOREVER…I thought today would be the perfect day to jump back in. I started back to classes last week. The boys have been both excited and apprehensive about going back. Alex was up a bit before I got up at 6 this morning. He was snuggled up on Brian’s side of the bed and as soon as my alarm went off and I discovered he was there, he excitedly whispered “I can’t believe it’s my first day of first grade! I’m so excited!” His brothers, on the other hand, were not so enthusiastic. Ryan was a bit more cheerful when he discovered one of the boys in our complex, who was in his class last year, has the same teacher this year. Actually, they both (Ryan and his friend) seemed a bit relieved. Zach wasn’t able to find anyone at the bus stop in his class, but he’s guaranteed to have 3 from his class last year, so I know he’ll be ok. Alex has Ryan’s teacher from last year, so he had absolutely no apprehension about going to school today!

As for me, well, I’m still falling into a routine. Today is my late day on campus; I have a class from 6-9 pm. Other than that, I’m faring well. I’m staying ahead of the readings, which is good. I hope I can maintain that for the entire semester. I need to do well this semester and next to solidify my grad school entry. Speaking of readings…I must go do some of that now, before my next class. Since I left my dinner at home today (the coffee pot being dead this morning should have been a sign…I also forgot to brush my teeth!), I must figure out what to do for dinner during my 3 hour break this evening. It will probably consist of eating in the Union, even though it’s super expensive. But at least it leaves me plenty of study time!

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We took the boys to the circus on Saturday. I remember going a couple of times as a kid and I loved it. It was the first time the boys had ever been and they didn’t really know what to expect. While on our way out, we asked the boys what they thought. The first words out of Zach’s mouth were “It was sweet! It was excellent!” I guess that qualifies as a rave review! His brothers had similar views about their first circus. All-in-all it was a great family outing. Below are some of the pics. I won’t post them all, as that would be too daunting. But I’ll post some of my favorites.

Keep in mind that the whole show was basically about the head clown taking the ring master’s hat, which made the ring master not do his thing real well and made the clown sort of take over the circus. It was cute banter back and forth b/w what kind of acts the ring master had and what kind of acts the clown had.

I’ll warn you: some of these are blurry. I had to sacrifice taking “action” shots for taking pics in night mode. I couldn’t do both. Either I could take action and they would all be dark, or I could take them in night mode, get some good shots but have some of them blurry. I opted for the latter, obviously.

DH tells me he’s really playing. Brian would know…he’s a trumpet player. Anyway, I thought that was pretty awesome. No way could I play like that! I give him mad props.

It’s a porcupine! He’s cute, isn’t he?

This was the view from our seats. Pretty good seats

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I belong to an online twins site. One of our forums is entitled :Here in Holland.” It’s a forum for those of us who have children with special needs of any sort. I always perused the forum to see what was going on with my TCO friends who frequent the forum.

As of Tuesday, I am officially a part of that forum. We had Ryan’s official IEP meeting on Tuesday. He’s been getting both speech and what they call special services. The special services he has been receiving is simply a special education teacher coming in 3-4 times a week to help teach him strategies to cope with certain situations that may arise. She also tries to help him stay organized. They have been pulling back the services from the special ed teacher in an effort to see if he can function without her in the classroom. The goal is to arm him with the tools he needs (things like check lists, which he does great with!) and see how he does implementing them on his own. So far so good. If he can function with these tools and no support, he won’t need that support over at the elementary school next year. If we find, in the next couple of months that he needs the services again, they will be put into his IEP in May. Right now, though, he’s been classified as a student with a speech and language impairment. There were several times during the meeting that I wanted to break into tears. Not because anything bad was said, but because they had such praise for Ryan and the progress he’s made since they did his intake eval last Jan. It was so heartwarming to hear all the wonderful things they had to say about him (Zach, too!) and about us. I honestly can not thank any of those people enough for what they have done for him. It has been a difference we’ve seen here at home, too, not just in school.

Our next meeting will be in May, over at the elementary school. That way, his teacher, speech therapist, etc can meet with the incoming people who will take over. I think, at that point, I’m going to ask for those special service to help him in his transition. He is very apprehensive about leaving his teacher and his classmates, all of whom he’s been with since we moved here last January. I’ve been trying to hype up how great 3rd grade will be: they get their own lockers, he’ll make new friends (he’s good at making friends), etc. He’s just such a creature of habit, and thrives on routine, and doesn’t like change that I can see how he’d be a bit scared.

I wanted to share a poem with you all.

Welcome To Holland
By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-
to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience,
to understand it,
to imagine how it would feel.
It’s like this….

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip-
to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans..
The Coliseum.
The Michelangelo David.
The gondolas in Venice.
You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.
It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off
you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,
“Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.
It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was suppose to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …
about Holland.

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School is going well for me and, as you can see from the neglect on my blog, I’ve been busy at work, too. While my classes aren’t too much of a struggle yet, I’m finding it difficult to manage my time between school, work, studying, laundry, cleaning and spending time with the fam. I’ve not had to manage my time like this for nearly 6 years, so I suppose it will take some getting used to.

In other news, Alex had his first day of kindergarten last week. He woke up with a nasty cold the same day and I could tell he didn’t feel well, poor little guy. But he braved the sickness and made it through his first day. Here are a couple of pictures. I really thought I’d end up taking more, but didn’t. I didn’t want to be the only crazed parent snapping pictures every 2 seconds. I was also too busy trying not to cry to think about getting too many pictures. But, here are a couple:

He was so excited to ride the bus home that day. I took him to school, so he only got a one-way ride Thursday. But he’s been waiting since January to ride Joe’s bus with his brothers. He came off the bus beaming from ear to ear.

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It has now been two weeks since I left to go back home for my grandmother’s funeral. I did very well with it, considering she’s the last of my grandparents to pass on. Admittedly, I don’t think I’ve really come to terms with it yet. I think I did a pretty good job of holding myself together for my dad and my sister, both of whom had a really rough time of it (dad especially). I wrote something that Thursday night at my moms with the intent to blog it the next day, but that didn’t happen. I’m just now getting around to it, don’t ask me why. I’ll post it now, but keep in mind this was written two weeks ago. I’ll add more to it at the end, now that I’ve had time to contemplate her eulogy and passing from this earth.

————–

A contemplation on life and life after death

I sit here in my mother’s house for the second time in a month. The first time , we celebrated new life; the birthing of a new generation. My baby sister will welcome her first child into the family at the end of September. How ironic is it, then, that this time we are celebrating life in the complete opposite way? We have gathered together to memorialize the life of my last living grandparent, my paternal grandmother.

For me, funerals have always been hard. They leave me vulnerable and weak, unable to grasp the harsh realities of their passing. I often wonder what it is about death that so many people are afraid of, myself included. I have gotten better over the years since my first grandfathers passing, but I’m still afraid of dying. I should not be, I know. After all, I’m going to a much better place and I’ll see all the loved ones that have gone before me, some I’ve never even met. But as good as that is, I’m not totally comforted by that thought. It should be easy for Christians to say “Ok, God. I’m ready when you are!” However, reality is that we are never fully prepared to leave our earthly bodies, our earthly life, behind.

My moms dad was the first to pass away. It rocked me to my core. I was 9 and a grandpa’s girl. I have such fond vivid memories of my grandfather. Things like being in his darkroom with him and learning all about how to develop film. Grandpa was a phenomenal photog. And when we got the news that he had cancer, I honestly thought he would be ok. He was for awhile. But there is nothing more ingrained into my 9 year old memories than seeing him suffer. He tried not to let it show, but by then the harsh realization had hit me; I was going to lose my favorite person in the whole world; my hero. And I couldn’t understand why people weren’t crying at his memorial service. Even grandma told me I was being silly for crying. But what else can a 9 year old girl who has just lost her favorite thing do? It seemed to me that I was the only one missing him, but I know now that everyone else had just found a way to let go. I was still holding on.

And so we are here this weekend to say goodbye to my grandmother. I am reminded yet again just how fragile life really is. So, while we commemorate my grandmother’s life in pictures, in song, in eulogy, in fellowship, I am left contemplating the life of my ancestors and celebrating the life of the next generation.

————–

I admit, not the most put-together thoughts in the world, but it’s what came to me at the time. Sitting through her eulogy, I heard things about my grandmother that I never knew. A lot of what was said I did know., She lived on her own, supporting herself and going to school, at the tender age of 12 (her mother had been an alcoholic and very abusive). She went to church every Sunday and genuinely tried to live her life as Christ did. She made everything, and I do mean everything, from scratch. She was up at 4 am Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings preparing the family meal. She always made her clothes and her kids clothes. She has made a few things for me when I was younger and she’s an amazing seamstress (my mom is, too, fwiw…I didn’t get those genes, lol. I can hold my own, but nothing like they can do.). I heard for the first time how she and grandpa met. She was waiting at a bus stop and grandpa drove past in his car, stopped, turned around, came back to flirt with her and the rest is history. It was love at first site. Just listening to stories throughout the weekend and even during her funeral has inspired me to try to be more like grandma. I don’t know if I can ever be exactly as she was, but it is certainly my goal now to emulate the way she lived her life.

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Other than my post in CT last Sat, I haven’t had time to post anything! We’ve been super busy since we got back Sunday afternoon. Sunday evening the boys and I went off to the kick-off party for the Steve Tasker March of Dimes Golf Tournament. Monday was the tournament. It was a long day, but it was fun. Well, it’s been a long two weeks, really. My sisters shower went smashingly and our trip to CT was loaded with fun, even though it was during some of the hottest days of the year! I thought I’d show off some of our pictures from our trip to CT. I’ve embedded them as slideshows and there are 2. You’re welcome to click on them and see the stills in my webshots photo album.

These pics are from CT. The first half of the pictures are from Quassy, one of only 11 trolley parks still remaining in the U.S. We had a lot of fun, especially at the Saturation Station (the water park.beach area).

Connecticut 2008

These pictures were taken on Saturday when Brian and his dad took the boys to a Yankee’s game. They only stayed 3 innings, but in their defense, it was 100 degrees out that day! The boys said their favorite part was riding the subway. Funny, but no surprise since they love trains so much, lol.

Boys Day Out

Here are the pics from the Golf Classic.

March of Dimes Charity Golf Classic

Happy Friday! Enjoy your weekend

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With Mother’s Day just over 2 weeks away, I have (finally) started thinking about what to get my mom. I’m probably a bit late in my planning, but I just have to get through the twins’ birthday before I can think about Mother’s Day. I decided I’d start with a search for the “hot” gifts of 2008. Surprisingly, that didn’t turn much up. Just the usual, flowers, chocolate, jewelry, and handbags…I guess the handbags are the hot item this year, since that was the only constant in each list I found. Then I decided to do a search for green Mother’s Day gifts. Boy, is there a lot of info on that! Alot of them are good ideas; organic perfume and makeup, fair trade organic coffee or tea, flowers from a local flower shop, soy and beeswax candles, and sponsorships or memberships. I guess if I had thought about it, I probably knew all of these things were green, as I’ve gotten my mom some of this in the past. I’m limited as to what I can do, though. No makeup or perfume for my mom, as she’s allergic to perfume and henseforth must be super selective in her makeup. My mom loves candles, so the soy candles are always a good choice. However, I think what I’m going to do is get her some vegetable and flower seeds. She and my step-dad are planning on planting a vegetable garden soon, and they always have nice flowers planted so those are two things that are sure to be a winner.

Now, if you’re not into buying anything green for your mom, why not make something for her? I may throw something like this in the mix, too (I’ll be seeing mom 2 weeks after Mother’s Day so I have an extra couple of weeks to put something together for her). These are an especially great way for kids to make mom a gift.

So, what are you going to give mom for Mother’s Day?

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If you’ve seen Jack’s blog today, you already know our big news. We are leaving Erie. I am saddened to leave Erie, but excited by the prospect that moving to Rochester, NY brings. Erie has been our home for the bulk of our marriage and family life, which is why it is going to be so hard to leave. It’s the only home our kids have known, but they seem ok with our impending move, albeit a little apprehensive. I expected them to react much worse to the news, but there were only a few tears. I think it will help them to be involved with the packing process. And, I think they are intrigued by the idea of having their own rooms. Well, at least the twins are excited about not having to share a room with Alex. I can’t say that Alex is excited about having his own room. He wants to be with his bubbies. That will certainly take some getting used to for him.

So, in the interest of packing, I’m likely going to be neglecting my blog for quite some time. I’ll try to pop in at least a couple of times between now and then, especially when I need a break from packing. However, if I don’t find that I’m able to, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my readers!

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